she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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