i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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