i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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