4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
