Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
