Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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