I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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