Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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