$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
