dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
