I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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