It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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