I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
