I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mondays should just be called national damage control day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
