I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
