So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
