I didn't shave. On purpose
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
