Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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