he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
