so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
