Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
