I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
