Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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