Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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