thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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