dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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