So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
