Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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