I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
