Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
