come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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