Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
