We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
