Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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