ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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