STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i believe in u and ur pee
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
