I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
