I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm both gender and math confused
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
