Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
