I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
