Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
