If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
