Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
