sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
