Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
