I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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