I have demons in me.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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