This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
