I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
