Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
