You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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