is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
