and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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