and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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