Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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