you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
