he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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