She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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