Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
