I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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