So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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