that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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