I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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