he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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