I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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