I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
