I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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