Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
