I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
