some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize