did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
