sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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