Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
