If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's always time for handjobs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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