you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
