I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
