He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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